Male Stripper
by LaceyKoi
Summary: lemon/lime...i'm not sure. belongs to mido-sama. it still ends happy!


It's kinda lemony. Therefore? Copyrighted to Mido-sama. She's comparative to the great and powerful Oz…none of you know who she is, but she can give you what you want (if you email her and beg). Please email her. She'll let you see my lemons. She's mad cuz I forgotta label that some fics are hers.  
  
  
  
"Relena…I'm sorry. It's just…there never really was something for me here. You were always busy, and you can't tell me you never noticed that we didn't have the feelings for each other that we were supposed to. It was never love for me, Relena. I was just some trophy for you to show off. I guess what I'm trying to say is…this is the end." Heero looked apologetic through his ice-cold eyes.  
  
Relena stared at him blankly for a few moments before responding. "Fine." She turned on her heel and walked away blindly. When she walked by Pargan, she spoke to him in the same cold tone. "Edit that from the tapes. I don't want _anybody_ catching wind of this, you here me?"  
  
Pargan nodded. "Yes, Relena-sama."  
  
"Excellent." Relena continued her brisk stride.  
  
Relena moved quickly, not really knowing where she was going until an idea formed in her mind. She then directed her footsteps toward her bedroom.  
  
Quickly she booted up her computer and passed through Window's opening screens. She remembered what Heero had told her about connecting to the web. Relena accessed the net and performed a search concentrated in the area of Sanq.  
  
"Yesssss…" she hissed as she leaned toward the screen.  
  
***  
  
*Ding dong*  
  
Heero Yuy rose from his couch, where he was watching the vid of himself dumping Relena that he had stolen, and went to the door. Outside, his eyes were greeted with a vision like none other. The person standing there had huge indigo eyes that seemed to swallow their innocent face if you looked long enough. Then Heero noticed fingers snapping in front of his face.  
  
As he shook off his spellbound state, he noticed a long braid of chestnut colored hair trailing down their back.  
  
"I'm Duo. One of your friends called me for you…said you were feeling a bit lonely." Said 'Duo' brushed their fingers down Heero's arm.  
  
"Nani?!" Heero's eyes widened seconds before he started to breathe more deeply.  
  
"One of your friends…" Duo's voice trailed off uncertainly. "I was supposed to at least give you a lap dance…"  
  
Heero grabbed the front of Duo's stylishly short black midriff shirt. "Male or female?" Heero ground out.  
  
"I--I don't know--website--" Nervousness inhibited Duo's speaking skills.  
  
"Show me." Heero roughly shoved Duo towards his laptop computer.  
  
***  
  
"NO! I told them I wanted a _male_ stripper!" Relena's keening wail could be heard all over her house.  
  
"Relena-sama--what are you talking about?" Pargan rushed to her side quickly. It wasn't good for the staff if Relena got like this.  
  
"That--that girl! I told that site I wanted a _male_ stripper to show up!" Relena buried her face in Pargan's sleeve.  
  
"Relena-sama…in retrospect, you always had Heero-kun do anything concerning the computer _for_ you. You don't know how to do _anything_ with a computer. You aren't expected to do it right the first time." Pargan patted her head consolingly.  
  
"But it was important _this_ time! It counted the most!" Something caught Relena's eye. "Wait!" she carefully used the remote to zoom in on Duo's chest. "That's either a boy…or one really flat girl." Relena grinned wickedly. Then covered her own chest with her hands. Then grinned back up at the monitor.  
  
***  
  
"I'm sorry, mister, but I don't have enough clearance to get past this point." The kitchen chair, Duo still sitting in it, was moved to the side. Heero began typing, almost looking like he had some neurotic obsession. "Hey…you seem to be a great guy and all…what's your name? I was only told that you're 'Mr. Perfect.'" Duo leaned his cheek into his hand, his elbows rested on his knee.  
  
Heero slammed his laptop shut. Duo jumped. Then looked apprehensively at Heero. Heero spoke with regret in his voice. "I wish you'd told me that earlier. Now I know who sent you." His voice became hard as diamonds-- specifically, the one he never gave the bitch-- "Relena Peacecraft."  
  
"Whoa! And I thought that she would be right wing, too!" Duo's eyes widened comically.  
  
"She is." Heero's voice was deadpan.  
  
"Still…what's your name?" Duo wondered at why he was feeling this for a client. It had never happened to him before. But then there was that girl Hilde who ran off with some chick she was supposed to be keeping company.  
  
"Heero Yuy." Heero lowered his head. "Sending you here is Relena's revenge on me."  
  
"Really? What'd you do to her?" _Definitely_ wondered at the feeling. The curiosity only amplified it.  
  
"I dumped her." Heero was completely frank.  
  
"Oh…we've been through this before…" Duo felt some twinge at learning that Heero was straight. And had gone out with someone clearly powerful in the world. "But I never knew someone who _paid_ for their ex to watch a stripper. Especially a male one, at that."  
  
Heero whirled towards Duo. "What did you say?"  
  
"I sa--said…" Duo was stammering as he got nervous again.  
  
"You're a guy?" Heero approached.  
  
Duo nodded. Words failed him in his panic. He was shocked to learn he didn't feel endangered, just… extremely psyched.  
  
"I _get_ it now! This was her ultimate revenge!" Heero whirled and slammed his fist into the wall. Not through it. Just into. "She wanted to get pictures of me with someone! And--" Heero stopped. "Duo…exactly how long are you paid to be here?"  
  
"I'm supposed to leave in--" Duo consulted his watch "--ten minutes."  
  
"How much for you to stick around longer?" The gleam in Heero's eye was decidedly ecchi.  
  
***  
  
"Relena-sama! We have a visual!"  
  
Relena rushed over to the monitor where she had hooked up a live satellite feed of Heero's house. She saw two forms by the window.  
  
"WHAT?! He was supposed to be gone by now!"  
  
A hand reached out and the blinds snapped upward. Relena could see the stripper she had hired…and Heero kissing his neck?! It was obvious the cheap whore was weak in the knees; he was pulling the cord for the window blinds trying to stay upright.  
  
"I just meant to set him up! What's going on?!" Relena's mouth kept moving, although no words came out.  
  
***  
  
Heero whispered into Duo's neck.  
  
"I'm sure this is where she has her feed. I'm not sure if she has audio membranes in the house, so don't say anything about what we're doing. Just make appropriate noises. Now, slowly, see if you can open the window blinds." Heero exhaled slowly.  
  
Duo's hand shot out. He wasn't acting, the hot breath rushing across his skin really was driving him crazy. He found the cord and yanked, hard.  
  
Heero read the panic in his eyes, quickly making the decision of what to do. "Don't think about it." He captured Duo's lips in a comforting kiss, but was surprised when Duo was the one that deepened it.  
  
"Please, Heero…don't screw around with me." Indigo eyes pleaded even harder than words.  
  
Heero effortlessly lifted the boy into his arms. "I'm going to take you to the bedroom. We'll see how it goes from there."  
  
***  
  
"PARGAN!!!!!!! How do I register a complaint with this website?!" Relena was ineffectively beating the monitor with her palms. Pargan come over, clicked the mouse a few times, and told her to type what she wanted to say.  
  
" 'I do not appreciate your little whore staying at the house where I had sent him longer than I paid for him to do. This was only meant to be a joke, but he has take it too far. Please call him away from the place he is working.' " She poked Pargan until he sent it for her and got an answer back in less than a minute.  
  
" 'Be nice, live with the pretty gay boys, and stop spying on them with your cameras. Lacey-koi.' "  
  
Relena's eyes glowed with an unholy light. "Heero is not gay."  
  
***  
  
And in the self same moment Relena spoke those words, Heero was currently wresting with bodies and tongues against Duo Maxwell, Bishounen Extraordinaire. Then Heero's wresting tongue started attacking Duo's neck. Duo's eyes glazed over before he started biting Heero's ear and licking what was inside his mouth. (It's possible. Trust me.)  
  
Duo's control vanished first, allowing Heero to roll on top of him. With the boy pinned under him, and his legs wrapped around his waist, Heero realized that he had no clue what to do. So he just kept kissing, everywhere.  
  
Duo's strength returned fairly quickly, and Heero was soon held down under his attack. But Duo knew what he was doing. He removed Heero's clothes and began kissing every hollow he could see. Then some he couldn't see. Finally he moved on to more *ahem* obvious things to do.  
  
Heero groaned with the pleasure of the back massage. Then he felt Duo's naked skin against his. He rolled over, and without any preparation or guiding anything, impaled himself on Duo. Duo's eyes showed only shock, and…was that concern?  
  
"Heero…you okay?"  
  
Heero grinned and kissed him. "Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Duo's eyes widened.  
  
***  
  
" 'Heero is not gay.' " Relena was tired of telling the website this.  
  
" 'How well do you know this Heero? Is he extra masculine? Extra feminine? A heady mixture of the two? Is he the kind of person who would take pain if it came before the pleasure? Is he the kind of person who would take pain because it gets him all hot and bothered and looking for a shower?' " Relena's jaw dropped at the implications.  
  
" 'Heero is not gay.' " Relena was hitting the keys too hard that time.  
  
" 'Yeah? Then why does the fact that Duo's still over with him get to you? Do you need a cold shower thinking about it?' " Relena switched off the computer.  
  
***  
  
Heero's limbs were only obviously separate from Duo's because of the skin color. Duo's braid had come down during one especially wild kiss, and Duo was making faces as he ran his fingers through it.  
  
"Heero? Why did we do this? It's obvious you're going to go back to, well, _Ms._ Perfect. Why spend your time screwing the stripper she sent to your house?" Duo's voice was pitiful, but honest all the same.  
  
"Duo no baka. You're the only person I've ever 'screwed.' There is no 'Ms. Perfect.' I think…that there should be two Mr. Perfects now. What do you say?"  
  
"I'd say…I'll have to quit my job." Duo laughed to himself thinking of the look that would be on Lacey-koi's face when he told her.  
  
"You can quit with your boss at gunpoint. I'll hold the gun." Heero grinned to himself thinking about how surprised Duo's boss would be.  
  
***  
  
"EEEEEEEE!" Lacey-koi swept Duo into a big hug. "Duo-chan!!!!! I always knew you would find someone nice!!!!!!!"  
  
Duo's eyes almost dropped out of his head.  
  
"You know, you weren't like this when Hilde left." Duo eyed Lacey-koi warily.  
  
"Yeah, well, I didn't like that Relena bitch she left with." Heero blinked. "You must be Heero! Shinigami, I must have gotten a hundred emails since last night telling me you weren't gay! I think she finally decided to leave my website alone, though." Heero blinked again.  
  
"Lacey-koi…_who_ did you say Hilde left with again?" Duo fidgeted nervously with his braid.  
  
Lacey-koi shrugged. "Some Relena chick…Relena Piece o' Crap? I think she was kinda famous or something."  
  
***  
  
"Relena!!!!!!!" The short haired girl burst into Relena's room.  
  
"Hilde?!?!?!?!" Relena looked shocked.  
  
"I found you!!!!!!!" Hilde glomped Relena quite effectively.  
  
"Where did you go?" Relena hugged Hilde tight.  
  
"I followed this guy named Duo…" 


End file.
